Bush's Farewell Address
by Aaron D. Hancock
Today Bush made his “farewell address” to the nation. After careful debate and consideration I decided the only honorable course of action would have been for Mr. Bush to have walked up to the podium while grinning like a fool, and to proudly and confidently thank people like “Brownie” from Katrina, Halliburton, the late Enron CEO and top Bush campaign contributor Ken Lay, Chevron for allowing him to borrow Condie Rice (and for again loaning another board member to the incoming administration), and perhaps a shout out for “Rummy” and his good friends (whom the Bush family has vacationed with) the Bin Laden family (minus Osama of course as he was on sabbatical in Pakistan and Afghanistan around that time I believe, or maybe he was still in Saudi Arabia, but that’s beside the point). Oh, he can’t overlook his friends on the Supreme Court who got him elected in the first place, and his cousin, fellow Skull and Bonesman, and current administration appointee John Kerry for not contesting the election Bush clearly lost despite rampant computer vote fraud in his favor. After thanking those good friends, he smiles broadly, raises both hands high above his head as well as both middle fingers, and waves them back and forth (a la Nixon) as he says, “Good luck suckers!” He then turns and runs through the large wooden double doors behind him to an awaiting Marine 1 where he jumps on board and is whisked away to the 40,000 acre family plantation in Paraguay where there are no extradition treaties, no insurgents, and no criminal courts or laws or judges or police that Bush drug money can’t take care of. I had one last hope for the good ole Governor Bush who would flip off reporters and curse at them at will, but alas, unfortunately, this did not happen. He was the same bumbling corporate puppet of the Wall Street investors, bankers, swindlers and military contractors he’s always been these past 8 years. America’s CEO, is leaving with his pension securely in tact as his company rots into a depression, a twisted mix of fascism/socialism, and world government. However, I must extend congratulations Mr. Bush, Mission Accomplished indeed sir. You and your Skull and Bonesmen brothers bound by oath to destroy this great nation have visibly and openly done more in the last 8 years than was accomplished in the past 68 years… and for this, Sir, I tip my hat to you. Not because I agree with the illegal wiretapping, torture (excuse me, waterboarding), invasions of sovereign nations, creating “free speech zones” and otherwise violating the Constitution, but rather because despite many setbacks, you were still efficient in carrying out your goals. No wonder those Enron boys donated so well. Here’s to a strange new drug resistant strain of malaria Mr. Bush… enjoy Paraguay.
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